I was watching a commercial recently and the woman said something about it being the new year.
And then she paused and said…
“Well, for some.”
And of course, my overthinking mind said:
Hmmmm…she’s right.
Because technically, we’re in August.
The new year was seven months ago.
But if you’re a parent, a teacher, have school-aged children, or simply grew up with the rhythm of the school calendar, you know exactly what she meant.
August feels like a new year.
Back to school means new schedules.
New routines.
New routes.
New bedtimes.
New mornings.
New activities.
New responsibilities.
New clothes.
New school supplies.
New everything.
One minute you’re sleeping a little later, eating at random times and wondering what day it is…
And the next minute somebody is standing in the kitchen at 6:15 a.m. asking:
“Where’s my Chromebook?”
Suddenly, everybody’s calendar has appointments, practices, meetings, assignments and places to be.
And that’s when I started thinking…
Maybe we should stop waiting until January to start over.
We get so caught up in the idea that January 1st is our one official opportunity to reset.
New year.
New goals.
New planner.
New workout routine.
New budget.
New everything.
And then life happens.
By February we’re negotiating with ourselves.
By March we’re tired.
By April we’re wondering what happened to those goals.
But here’s the thing:
You can create a new beginning whenever you need one.
And maybe August is a pretty good time.
The second half of the year is sitting right in front of you.
You can look at what you’ve accomplished so far.
Look at what didn’t work.
Adjust.
Start again.
Change the goal.
Drop the goal.
Create a completely different goal.
Whatever makes sense for your life now.
Maybe this is the season you finally get your finances organized.
Maybe you need to revisit your budget.
Start saving.
Pay down some debt.
Learn something about investing.
Maybe it’s time to get your physical health back on track.
Start walking.
Get back into your workouts.
Cook more meals at home.
Finally make that doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off.
Maybe you need an emotional reset.
Spend less time scrolling.
Create some boundaries.
Get comfortable with your own company again.
Maybe it’s spiritual.
Maybe you need to reconnect with your faith, pray more, journal, read your Bible or simply create some quiet time.
Or maybe your reset is much more literal.
Clean your house.
Open those curtains.
Open the windows.
Declutter the closet.
Clean out the pantry.
Organize that drawer you’ve been avoiding for the last three years.
You know the drawer.
We all have one.
Sometimes getting your physical environment together helps you get your mind together too.
And that’s what I love about these little seasonal resets.
They give us a visual signal that it’s time to shift.
We see the back-to-school commercials.
The school supplies hit the shelves.
Fall clothes start showing up.
The calendar changes.
And something in us says:
Okay…let’s get ourselves together.
Maybe that’s the universe’s little reminder that you don’t have to wait for January.
You don’t need Monday.
You don’t need the first of the month.
You don’t need January 1st.
You don’t need a birthday.
You don’t need some perfectly planned moment where everything suddenly makes sense.
You can decide today that you’re entering a new season.
And if you’ve had a rough first half of the year?
That’s okay.
If your goals changed?
That’s okay.
If you started something and stopped?
That’s okay too.
Give yourself some grace.
Take inventory.
Keep what works.
Release what doesn’t.
Adjust the plan.
And keep moving.
Because there are still months left in this year.
A lot can happen between now and December.
So maybe August isn’t the beginning of a new calendar year…
But it can be the beginning of a new chapter.
And I’ll take that.
A Note for Today
You don’t need a new year to start over. Sometimes a new season is all the permission you need.
And this one is about something I wish I had understood much earlier:
Don’t lose yourself trying to be the perfect wife, mother, and caretaker.
I was so focused on being the best wife I could be.
The best mother.
The best homemaker.
The best supporter.
The person making sure everybody had what they needed.
I thought I was doing exactly what I was supposed to do.
So I gave my family my time.
My attention.
My energy.
My focus.
And somewhere along the way…
I gave up my friendships too.
Now, let me make something clear because I know how the internet works. Also as I stated in my previous video this has nothing to do with my husband. These are all things that were self inflicted. (I’ll discuss where that came from in a later post.) He actually wanted my to have friends, go out, and enjoy myself.
I’m not talking about keeping inappropriate friendships or friendships that disrespect your marriage.
When it came to male friends, I was very intentional about making sure my husband never had to question my friendships, wonder about my intentions, or have to discern whether someone had motives that weren’t appropriate.
For me, my husband’s security and peace mattered.
So I made decisions around that.
And honestly, I still believe boundaries matter tremendously in marriage.
But somewhere along the way, I took that idea of protecting my marriage and applied it to everything.
And female friendships?
Most of mine were out of state.
And instead of nurturing those friendships, I slowly convinced myself that I didn’t really need them.
I had my husband.
I had my children.
I had my home.
I had my responsibilities.
I had plenty to do.
And somewhere in my mind, I had created this strange little belief that I didn’t really deserve to go have fun.
I was a wife.
I was a mom.
I had responsibilities.
Why did I need to be out doing this or that?
So I stayed home.
And stayed home.
And stayed home.
And eventually, I realized something.
My husband cannot be my entire social world.
And neither can my children.
And that’s not because they aren’t enough.
It’s because one person isn’t supposed to fulfill every role in your life.
Your husband is your husband.
Your children are your children.
Your friends are your friends.
Your community is your community.
And those relationships can fulfill different parts of you.
There are things you talk about with your girlfriends that you aren’t necessarily going to talk about with your husband.
There are things you laugh about with your friends that might not be funny to your husband.
There are experiences, hobbies, interests and conversations that exist outside of marriage.
And that’s okay.
Actually…
It’s healthy.
Now that I’m in my 40s, I understand how important having a good group of women around you really is.
Not a huge group.
Not 50 people.
Not a social calendar packed seven days a week.
Just your people.
The women you can call when you’ve had one of those days.
The friend you can laugh with until your stomach hurts.
The one you can talk to about marriage and motherhood.
The one who shares your love of books.
The one who wants to go shopping.
The one who understands your career goals.
The one who doesn’t need a 45-minute explanation because she already knows you.
And sometimes?
You just need somebody who isn’t your husband.
That doesn’t make your marriage weak.
It makes you human.
I think one of the biggest mistakes I made was believing that being completely devoted to my family meant I had to completely disappear as an individual.
It doesn’t.
And here’s the part I want younger women to hear:
Marriage should add to your identity, not erase it.
You can be deeply in love with your husband and still have girlfriends.
You can be an amazing mother and still go out.
You can prioritize your marriage and still have hobbies.
You can build a beautiful home and still build a community.
You can be committed to your family and still have a life that belongs to you.
And yes, boundaries are necessary.
Every marriage is different.
Every couple has different expectations.
Have those conversations.
Know what respect looks like in your marriage.
Protect your relationship.
But don’t confuse protecting your marriage with isolating yourself.
Those are two very different things.
Because I’m learning now that the woman who entered my marriage 20 years ago deserved to keep growing too.
She deserved friendships.
She deserved community.
She deserved laughter.
She deserved experiences.
She deserved to have interests that had nothing to do with being a wife or mother.
And I’m not beating myself up over it.
Because hindsight is 20/20.
I’m just taking the lesson and passing it forward.
That’s what this entire series is about.
Not telling you how to run your marriage.
Not pretending I have all the answers.
Just a woman looking back at 20 years and saying:
“Girl…here’s what I learned.”
A Note for Today
Don’t lose your individuality in the name of being a good wife or mother.
Nurture your marriage.
Love your family.
Show up for the people you love.
But keep your friendships. Build your community. Have your interests. Laugh. Get dressed. Go somewhere. Call your girlfriends.
You were a whole person before you became someone’s wife.
You were a whole person before you became someone’s mother.
Here’s another note from 20 years of marriage that I didn’t understand until much later.
In my last post, I talked about financial independence and how, as a young stay-at-home mom, I stopped earning my own money.
But there was another part of that story I didn’t talk about.
Because I wasn’t earning the money, I convinced myself I didn’t deserve to spend it.
Nobody told me that.
My husband never told me that.
Actually, quite the opposite.
He has always been an amazing provider, and there were plenty of times he encouraged me to buy something for myself.
This was my own thinking.
And looking back, I realize how much it affected me.
I would tell myself that as long as I had the basics, I was fine.
I had what I needed for my daily hygiene.
I had clothes.
I had food.
The kids had everything they needed.
My husband had everything he needed.
So why would I need anything else?
Makeup?
I’d get the cheaper one.
Clothes?
I could do without them.
Something I wanted?
I’d talk myself out of it.
I became really good at making sure everyone else had what they needed while convincing myself that I didn’t need much at all.
And then there was the vacation situation.
This happened more than once.
We’d be getting ready to pack for vacation.
I’d go through the kids’ clothes.
Make sure everybody had everything.
Make sure everything was packed.
Then my husband would get his things together, and because he always wanted me to check his stuff too, I’d make sure he was good.
Everybody was ready.
Everybody had outfits.
Everybody was going to look cute.
And then it was time for me.
And I would literally stand there thinking…
What am I going to wear?
I couldn’t piece together an outfit.
Not because we couldn’t afford one.
Not because my husband wouldn’t have bought me something.
But because somewhere along the way, I had convinced myself that spending money on me wasn’t necessary.
And THAT was my red light.
I remember thinking:
“Wait a minute…”
I have made sure everyone in this house is going to look clean, presentable, comfortable and attractive.
And I have nothing.
How did that happen?
And I’m not talking about today’s social media version of self-care where we’re watching shopping hauls, matcha runs, Pilates classes, nail appointments, hair appointments, skincare routines and beauty treatments all day long.
I’m not saying you need any of those things.
I’m saying you shouldn’t have to completely disappear from your own life either.
There’s a difference.
And this is something I really want young women and young moms to understand.
Being a stay-at-home mom can be a beautiful thing.
Being a homemaker can be fulfilling.
Taking care of your family can be something you’re incredibly proud of.
But don’t make yourself so small in the process that you stop participating in your own life.
You deserve the dress too.
You deserve the makeup.
You deserve the nice lotion.
You deserve the coffee.
You deserve to go somewhere and have something nice to wear.
You deserve to develop a hobby.
You deserve to have interests.
You deserve to have something that makes you feel pretty.
And no, I’m not saying go out and spend money you don’t have.
Please don’t send me the bill. 😂
I’m saying budget for yourself too.
Put yourself in the family budget.
Don’t wait until everyone else has everything they need before you decide whether there’s anything left over for you.
Because here’s what I learned:
When I wasn’t earning money, I started confusing not earning money with not contributing.
And those are NOT the same thing.
I was raising children.
Managing a household.
Cooking.
Cleaning.
Planning.
Organizing.
Supporting my husband.
Keeping an entire little ecosystem running.
That was work.
It just wasn’t receiving a paycheck.
And because I didn’t have a paycheck attached to what I was doing, I somehow started feeling like I had to justify wanting anything for myself.
That wasn’t fair to me.
And it wasn’t something my husband was asking me to do.
I did that to myself.
That’s why this is not a husband-bashing post.
It’s actually the opposite.
Sometimes the person standing between you and the life you want is…you.
And that can be a hard thing to admit.
But it’s also empowering.
Because if you’re the one holding yourself back, you can also be the one who decides to stop.
So if you’re a young mom reading this and you’re dreaming about being a stay-at-home mom, I’m not here to discourage you.
Go for it if that’s what works for your family.
But before you do, have an honest conversation with yourself.
How will you maintain your identity?
How will you maintain your skills?
How will you maintain some financial independence?
How will you make sure you are still participating in your own life?
And perhaps most importantly:
Will you allow yourself to receive?
Because taking care of everyone doesn’t mean you have to come last.
And being a homemaker doesn’t mean you have to become invisible.
A Note for Today
Don’t confuse not earning a paycheck with not contributing—and don’t make yourself so busy taking care of everyone else that you forget to take care of you.
Twenty years of marriage will have you thinking about a few things.
As my husband and I get ready to celebrate 20 years of marriage, I’ve been reflecting on the things I’ve learned along the way. Some lessons were intentional. Some I learned the hard way. Some took years for me to understand.
And because I’m a self-proclaimed girls’ girl, I want to pass some of these notes along to younger women—and honestly, to women my age too.
These won’t be in any particular order because, well…that’s not really how my overthinking mind works.
But this one has been on my mind a lot lately.
Don’t give up your financial independence.
Let me tell you how I ended up here.
I graduated from college, got married, and within about a year, we were expecting our first child.
Then my husband received an opportunity with a Fortune 500 company.
At the time, it made perfect sense for me to stay home.
We talked about it.
We agreed it was the best decision for our family.
And let’s be honest—this was 20 years ago, and childcare wasn’t exactly cheap back then either.
So I dove into being a stay-at-home mom.
And when I say I dove in, honey, I dove IN.
I was 25 years old and became the quintessential homemaker.
Cooking.
Cleaning.
Taking care of the kids.
Taking care of the house.
Making sure my husband didn’t have to worry about anything when he walked through that door.
And our household worked.
We were flowing.
Things were good.
I took pride in being a wife and mother, and I still do.
But somewhere along the way, I gave up something I didn’t realize I would eventually miss.
My financial independence.
I wasn’t working.
I wasn’t building a career.
I didn’t have much happening on a résumé.
And when my children eventually became school-age and I started thinking about what I wanted to do next, getting back into the workforce was much harder than I expected.
I had experience.
I had skills.
I had spent years managing an entire household and raising children.
But explaining that on a résumé?
That’s a whole different conversation.
And starting over after years away from the workforce can feel intimidating.
Especially when you’re looking around thinking:
Where do I even begin?
That’s why, if I could go back and give my 25-year-old self one little note, this would be it:
Keep something that’s yours.
If you’re a stay-at-home mom and you love being home with your children, I’m not telling you to change that.
If your husband makes significantly more money and your family has decided that staying home is what works best, I’m not telling you that’s wrong either.
I’m telling you not to completely abandon your financial independence.
Put a little money aside.
Every week.
Every month.
Whatever works for your household.
Build a savings account in your name.
Learn about money.
Learn about investing.
Keep up with your skills.
Take a class.
Maintain a résumé.
Find something that belongs to you.
And no, I’m not saying you need to secretly stash money away from your husband.
I’m saying know your financial situation and have some financial footing of your own.
It doesn’t have to be thousands of dollars.
It doesn’t even have to be hundreds of dollars at first.
Start where you are.
Because life has a funny way of changing.
And something being good today doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare for tomorrow.
Marriage can be wonderful.
Being a mom can be wonderful.
Being a homemaker can be wonderful.
But you are still a woman outside of those roles.
And I wish I had understood that earlier.
I spent years making sure everyone else had what they needed.
I’m learning now that making sure I have what I need isn’t selfish.
It’s responsible.
And that’s one of the things 20 years of marriage has taught me.
A Note for Today
Love your family. Build your marriage. Raise your babies. Create a beautiful home. But don’t completely lose yourself in the process.
Keep a little piece of your independence.
Keep learning.
Keep growing.
Keep something that’s yours.
Because you never know what your next chapter will require from you.
And apparently, after 20 years of marriage, I have quite a few more notes to share.
There I was, minding my business, scrolling through YouTube Shorts, when a woman said something that made this overthinker stop the video.
Not rewind it.
Pause it.
Grab my notebook.
And write it down.
Because I knew there was a note in there somewhere.
She was talking about a previous relationship and why it ended.
She said her partner looked at her one day and said,
“You want to be right more than you want to win.”
Ouch.
I’m not going to lie.
That one stung me too.
She went on to say that although the relationship eventually ended, those words stayed with her. Instead of becoming defensive, she decided to reflect.
She asked herself if there was any truth in what he said.
She realized that one sentence became the catalyst for changing how she showed up—not just in relationships, but in every area of her life.
And there I was…
Overthinking again.
Because I don’t think that statement is only about marriage or dating.
I think it’s about life.
How many times do we fight so hard to prove a point that we lose sight of what’s actually important?
We want to win the argument.
We want the last word.
We want someone to admit we were right.
But what if being right costs you your peace?
What if it costs you a friendship?
What if it costs you an opportunity?
What if it costs you growth?
Now, before anyone says, “Well, sometimes I am right.”
Of course you are.
Sometimes I am too.
That’s not the point.
The point is asking ourselves,
“What am I trying to accomplish here?”
Am I trying to prove something…
Or am I trying to build something?
Those are two very different goals.
The older I get, the more I realize that growth often begins with uncomfortable questions.
Questions like…
Could they be right about me?
Is there something I need to work on?
Is my pride getting in the way?
Those aren’t easy questions.
But they’re necessary ones.
Sometimes the very thing we’re holding on to is the very thing holding us back.
Maybe it’s pride.
Maybe it’s control.
Maybe it’s always needing to have the final say.
Maybe it’s refusing to apologize.
Maybe it’s refusing to listen.
Growth doesn’t always require us to do more.
Sometimes it requires us to let go.
That’s what I took away from that one little sentence.
Not because I know that woman’s story.
Not because I know whether her relationship should have worked.
But because there was a lesson hidden inside her experience.
And that’s the note I wanted to pass on.
A Note for Today
Sometimes the greatest victory isn’t proving you’re right. It’s becoming the kind of person who’s willing to grow.
A Little Something to Think About…
Is there something you’ve been holding on to simply because you don’t want to let it go? Ask yourself this week: “Is this helping me win at life…or just helping me win an argument?”
My husband and I were sitting at breakfast over the weekend, talking about a show we had just finished binge-watching.
Now, before you get excited thinking I’m about to recommend a new reality show…
That’s not the note.
The show happened to be about relationships, dating, and marriage. You know the kind. Plenty of drama, misunderstandings, awkward conversations, and moments that make you look at the TV and say, “Now why would they do that?”
Typical reality television.
As we were talking, we both agreed that we really enjoyed it.
But then I told him something that made me stop and think.
I said, “The reason I like it isn’t the entertainment. I like it because it’s free therapy.”
Now hear me out before you laugh.
Throughout the show, each couple met regularly with a pastor, a therapist, a counselor, and a psychologist over the course of ninety days.
After watching them work through conflict, communication, trust, and expectations, I found myself doing something I always do.
There goes my overthinking again.
I wasn’t just watching them.
I was listening.
I was paying attention to the questions the professionals were asking.
The way they challenged people to look inward instead of pointing fingers.
The moments where someone realized, “Maybe I need to work on that.”
And I thought…
That’s not just good television.
That’s free therapy.
Not because I’m pretending a TV show can replace professional counseling.
It can’t.
But because wisdom has a funny way of showing up in unexpected places.
Sometimes we’re so focused on being entertained that we completely miss the lesson.
We’ll laugh at someone else’s communication style without asking ourselves if we do the very same thing.
We’ll criticize someone else’s reaction while overlooking our own.
We’ll watch two people struggle and never stop to ask,
“What can I learn from this?”
Maybe that’s why I enjoy shows like that.
Not because I enjoy watching people argue.
I enjoy watching people grow.
There’s a difference.
The older I get, the more emotionally aware I’m trying to become.
Not emotionally perfect.
Just emotionally aware.
Aware enough to recognize my own habits.
Aware enough to accept constructive feedback.
Aware enough to admit when there’s room to grow.
Sometimes growth doesn’t happen in a therapist’s office.
Sometimes it happens over breakfast after a conversation with your husband.
Sometimes it happens while watching a television show.
Sometimes it happens because you’re willing to look past the entertainment and search for the message.
I’ve realized that life is constantly offering us opportunities to learn.
The question is…
Are we paying attention?
A Note for Today
Don’t consume everything just for entertainment. Sometimes the greatest lesson is hiding inside the story, waiting for someone willing to see it.
A Little Something to Think About…
The next time you watch a movie, a reality show, or even overhear a conversation, ask yourself, “Is there a lesson here for me?” You might be surprised by what you discover when you start looking for the message instead of just the moment.
