A Note From the Resident Overthinker
Note 022
Twenty years of marriage will have you thinking about a few things.
As my husband and I get ready to celebrate 20 years of marriage, I’ve been reflecting on the things I’ve learned along the way. Some lessons were intentional. Some I learned the hard way. Some took years for me to understand.
And because I’m a self-proclaimed girls’ girl, I want to pass some of these notes along to younger women—and honestly, to women my age too.
These won’t be in any particular order because, well…that’s not really how my overthinking mind works.
But this one has been on my mind a lot lately.
Don’t give up your financial independence.
Let me tell you how I ended up here.
I graduated from college, got married, and within about a year, we were expecting our first child.
Then my husband received an opportunity with a Fortune 500 company.
At the time, it made perfect sense for me to stay home.
We talked about it.
We agreed it was the best decision for our family.
And let’s be honest—this was 20 years ago, and childcare wasn’t exactly cheap back then either.
So I dove into being a stay-at-home mom.
And when I say I dove in, honey, I dove IN.
I was 25 years old and became the quintessential homemaker.
Cooking.
Cleaning.
Taking care of the kids.
Taking care of the house.
Making sure my husband didn’t have to worry about anything when he walked through that door.
And our household worked.
We were flowing.
Things were good.
I took pride in being a wife and mother, and I still do.
But somewhere along the way, I gave up something I didn’t realize I would eventually miss.
My financial independence.
I wasn’t working.
I wasn’t building a career.
I didn’t have much happening on a résumé.
And when my children eventually became school-age and I started thinking about what I wanted to do next, getting back into the workforce was much harder than I expected.
I had experience.
I had skills.
I had spent years managing an entire household and raising children.
But explaining that on a résumé?
That’s a whole different conversation.
And starting over after years away from the workforce can feel intimidating.
Especially when you’re looking around thinking:
Where do I even begin?
That’s why, if I could go back and give my 25-year-old self one little note, this would be it:
Keep something that’s yours.
If you’re a stay-at-home mom and you love being home with your children, I’m not telling you to change that.
If your husband makes significantly more money and your family has decided that staying home is what works best, I’m not telling you that’s wrong either.
I’m telling you not to completely abandon your financial independence.
Put a little money aside.
Every week.
Every month.
Whatever works for your household.
Build a savings account in your name.
Learn about money.
Learn about investing.
Keep up with your skills.
Take a class.
Maintain a résumé.
Find something that belongs to you.
And no, I’m not saying you need to secretly stash money away from your husband.
I’m saying know your financial situation and have some financial footing of your own.
It doesn’t have to be thousands of dollars.
It doesn’t even have to be hundreds of dollars at first.
Start where you are.
Because life has a funny way of changing.
And something being good today doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare for tomorrow.
Marriage can be wonderful.
Being a mom can be wonderful.
Being a homemaker can be wonderful.
But you are still a woman outside of those roles.
And I wish I had understood that earlier.
I spent years making sure everyone else had what they needed.
I’m learning now that making sure I have what I need isn’t selfish.
It’s responsible.
And that’s one of the things 20 years of marriage has taught me.
A Note for Today
Love your family. Build your marriage. Raise your babies. Create a beautiful home. But don’t completely lose yourself in the process.
Keep a little piece of your independence.
Keep learning.
Keep growing.
Keep something that’s yours.
Because you never know what your next chapter will require from you.
And apparently, after 20 years of marriage, I have quite a few more notes to share.
This is only the first one.
Until the next note,
Your Resident Overthinker