Note 052
I heard a one-liner this weekend while binging my recorded soap opera, and I had to pause the show.
Yes, a soap opera.
Sometimes inspiration comes from the most unexpected places.
There was a scene where a sister went to visit her brother. She walked into his office, greeted him, and instead of getting a warm hello in return, he snapped back at her with a short, irritated response that was basically, Great. You’re here.
You could feel the attitude through the television.
And her response?
She looked at him and said something along the lines of:
“Ewww. Someone’s having a bad day, and I didn’t do it to you. So I’m going to sit here and tell you what I came to tell you anyway.”
I immediately paused the show.
Then I turned to my husband and said, “That’s a word.”
Because it is.
I’ve been sitting with that line ever since.
I didn’t do it.
How many times have we walked into a room in a perfectly good mood, only to encounter someone else’s bad mood?
And somehow, within minutes, we’re in a bad mood too.
Someone speaks to us with an attitude.
Someone gives us a short response.
Someone rolls their eyes.
Someone is clearly irritated.
Someone makes a comment that has nothing to do with us, but we start wondering if it somehow does.
And before we know it, we’re carrying around an emotion that didn’t even belong to us when we woke up that morning.
I’ve done it.
I’m sure I’m not the only one.
As overthinkers, we can be especially good at this.
We hear a tone and immediately start analyzing it.
What did I do?
Did I say something?
Are they mad at me?
Was that comment directed at me?
Did I do something wrong?
Meanwhile, the person could have had a terrible morning, received bad news, gotten into an argument, had a stressful day at work, or simply woken up on the wrong side of the bed.
And none of it had anything to do with us.
That’s the part I loved.
The sister didn’t immediately absorb her brother’s mood.
She noticed it.
She acknowledged it.
And then she kept going.
“Someone’s having a bad day, and I didn’t do it.”
That is such a simple way to separate someone else’s feelings from your own.
I didn’t cause it.
I don’t have to fix it.
And I don’t have to carry it.
Now, that doesn’t mean we should ignore people when they’re hurting or refuse to consider that our actions may have affected someone.
Sometimes we do play a part.
And when we do, we should be willing to listen, take responsibility, apologize, and make things right.
But when you know you didn’t participate in whatever created that person’s mood?
You don’t have to volunteer for the job of carrying it.
Someone else’s reaction doesn’t automatically become your responsibility.
This is something I’m learning more and more as I get older.
Not every tone requires an investigation.
Not every attitude requires a response.
Not every bad mood needs to become your bad mood.
And not every negative comment needs to become something you spend the rest of the day thinking about.
Sometimes you can simply observe it and say to yourself:
That’s theirs.
And keep moving.
I think there’s something incredibly freeing about being able to recognize, Oh, they’re having a moment.
Instead of:
Oh no. What did I do?
There’s a difference.
One puts you in the middle of something that may have nothing to do with you.
The other allows you to remain where you were.
In your own peace.
In your own mood.
In your own life.
We don’t have to match someone’s energy.
If someone is irritated, we don’t have to become irritated.
If someone is short with us, we don’t have to become short with them.
If someone is having a bad day, we don’t have to join them.
And if someone decides to throw their mood in our direction, we don’t automatically have to catch it.
Sometimes the healthiest response is simply:
I see what’s happening. And I’m not taking it personally because I didn’t do it.
That’s the lesson I took from a soap opera this weekend.
And honestly?
I’m keeping it.
Because the next time somebody’s mood changes the temperature in the room, I want to remember that I don’t have to change with it.
I can notice it without absorbing it.
I can care without carrying it.
I can give someone grace without giving them control over my mood.
And sometimes I can simply remind myself:
Ewww. Someone’s having a bad day.
And I didn’t do it.
So I’m going to keep being me anyway.
A Note for Today
Before you take someone’s reaction personally, pause and ask yourself:
Did I actually do something?
If the answer is no, you might not need to fix anything.
You might just need to let their mood belong to them.
Until the next note,
Your Resident Overthinker 🤎