Note 045
I had one of those conversations with my daughter recently that started out as a normal conversation and ended with a little life lesson.
We were talking about one of her AP classes.
She’s having a little difficulty with it.
And honestly?
That’s a good thing.
Not because I want her to struggle, but because sometimes we need to struggle.
She’s a perfectionist, so when something doesn’t come easily, her natural response is to shut down.
She’s used to understanding things quickly.
She’s used to doing well.
She’s used to knowing what she’s doing.
So when something challenges her, it’s uncomfortable.
And instead of saying:
“I don’t understand this.”
or
“I need help.”
her instinct is more like:
“I’m fine.”
Everything is fine.
Nothing to see here.
So I asked her how we could support her.
How could her teacher help?
How could Dad help?
How could I help?
But she didn’t really want to acknowledge that she needed help.
And I understood it.
Because admitting you don’t know something can feel uncomfortable when you’ve built an identity around knowing.
But eventually, I said something to her that I think all of us could use as a reminder:
Strive for growth. Don’t strive for perfection.
And I started thinking about how often we put unnecessary pressure on ourselves because we believe we’re supposed to already know.
We’re supposed to already understand.
We’re supposed to already have it figured out.
We’re supposed to be good at it.
We’re supposed to get it right the first time.
But…
Why?
Who told us that?
Life was never designed for us to know everything.
Think about how much you have learned simply by living.
You learned through experience.
Through mistakes.
Through relationships.
Through failure.
Through success.
Through uncomfortable conversations.
Through jobs that didn’t work out.
Through relationships that taught you something.
Through parenting.
Through heartbreak.
Through starting over.
Through trying something and realizing:
“Okay…that wasn’t for me.”
We’re constantly learning.
And I hope we never stop.
Because the moment we believe we have nothing left to learn is the moment we stop growing.
Sometimes being challenged is the point.
I told my daughter that I don’t expect her to know everything.
Her teacher doesn’t expect her to know everything.
Dad doesn’t expect her to know everything.
And I certainly don’t expect her to know everything.
She’s learning.
That’s the whole point of school.
But isn’t that also the point of life?
You’re going to encounter things that challenge you.
You’re going to meet people who think differently.
You’re going to walk into rooms where you’re the least experienced person there.
You’re going to start jobs where you don’t know everything.
You’re going to have conversations you don’t know how to navigate.
You’re going to become a parent and realize there isn’t a manual for every situation.
You’re going to try things and fail.
You’re going to discover things about yourself that you didn’t know.
And that’s okay.
You are allowed to be a work in progress.
Perfection can become a very expensive goal.
Because when you’re constantly trying to be perfect, you’re constantly looking for evidence that you’re falling short.
You didn’t do enough.
You don’t know enough.
You don’t look good enough.
You aren’t successful enough.
Your house isn’t clean enough.
Your career isn’t far enough along.
Your relationships aren’t perfect.
Your parenting isn’t perfect.
Your body isn’t perfect.
Your life doesn’t look like the life you imagined.
And suddenly…
nothing feels like enough.
That’s an exhausting way to live.
Because perfection has no finish line.
There will always be something else to improve.
Something else to accomplish.
Something else to fix.
Someone else who appears to be doing it better.
And if your goal is perfection, you will always be chasing something you can never fully catch.
Growth is different.
Growth says:
“I don’t know this yet.”
“Let me learn.”
“I made a mistake.”
“Let me try again.”
“I need help.”
“What can I do differently?”
“I’m better than I was yesterday.”
Growth gives you room to breathe.
Growth gives you permission to be human.
Growth allows you to celebrate progress instead of constantly criticizing yourself for not being finished.
And here’s something I hope my children always remember:
You don’t have to be perfect to be proud of yourself.
You just have to keep growing.
There is nothing embarrassing about needing help.
I think this is one of the hardest lessons for people who are used to being good at things.
When you’ve always been the person who “gets it,” being confused can feel like failure.
It isn’t.
Asking for help isn’t weakness.
Asking questions isn’t weakness.
Not knowing isn’t weakness.
Being a beginner isn’t weakness.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can say is:
“I don’t understand. Can you explain that to me?”
That sentence can open a door that pride keeps closed.
And maybe that’s what I really wanted my daughter to understand.
This class isn’t just teaching you a subject.
It’s teaching you how to struggle, ask, learn, adapt, and keep going.
Those skills will take you much further than getting every answer right.
And honestly, this note is for me too.
Because as parents, we’re constantly teaching our children lessons that we are still learning ourselves.
I’m still learning.
You’re still learning.
She’s still learning.
We’re all still learning.
And I hope we continue to do so until the day we leave this earth.
There is no age where you suddenly graduate from learning.
There is no point where you become completely finished.
And there shouldn’t be.
Because there is always another lesson.
Another perspective.
Another skill.
Another experience.
Another opportunity to grow.
A Note for Today
Strive for growth, not perfection.
You don’t have to know everything.
You don’t have to get everything right.
You don’t have to have it all figured out.
And you don’t have to pretend you’re fine when you need help.
Give yourself permission to be challenged.
Give yourself permission to struggle.
Give yourself permission to ask questions.
Give yourself permission to start again.
Because the goal isn’t to become perfect.
The goal is to become a little wiser, a little stronger, and a little more capable than you were yesterday.
And that’s more than enough.
Until the next note,
Your Resident Overthinker