Note 043
There is a lesson life taught me years ago that I still think about.
At the time, I was working in an office and wanted to leave.
The reason isn’t really important.
What matters is that I knew I wanted to stay in the same field, so I started doing what I thought I was supposed to do.
I researched.
I updated my resume.
I researched companies.
I researched positions.
And then I found the job.
At least, I thought I did.
The pay was great.
The benefits were great.
The schedule was exactly what I wanted.
The work-life balance sounded perfect.
They had the equipment and amenities to actually do the job well.
It was everything I had been looking for.
Honestly, it seemed almost too good to be true.
But I had done my homework.
I read reviews.
I researched the company.
I looked at what current and former employees were saying.
For the most part, the reviews were great.
So I applied.
And got rejected.
No interview.
Okay.
I waited.
Months passed.
Maybe even close to a year.
I applied again.
Rejected again.
This time they told me to try again in six months.
So what did I do?
I researched some more.
Resume tips.
Application tips.
Interview tips.
I wanted this job.
And not just a little.
I had already created a future in my head.
I could see myself working there.
I could see the schedule.
I could see the work-life balance.
I could see myself settling in.
I honestly thought:
“This is where I’m going to retire.”
Then eventually, I applied again.
And this time…
I got the interview.
Within days, I received an interview request.
I went through the interviews.
I went through the hiring process.
I went through onboarding.
Everything was moving forward.
I was finally getting the thing I had worked so hard to get.
I was so excited that I even gave my current employer a month’s notice because I wanted to give them plenty of time to find someone to replace me.
I was leaving.
I had finally gotten the job.
The job I had researched.
The job I had waited for.
The job I had been rejected from multiple times.
The job I had convinced myself was going to be my long-term home.
And then I started.
Chile…
Within the first week, I knew.
This wasn’t what I thought it was.
The flexibility I had been so excited about?
It wasn’t really flexible.
The paid holidays?
Well…they were considered “paid” because you were expected to use your PTO.
The workload?
It wasn’t distributed the way I had been led to believe.
And the pace?
Let’s just say I couldn’t seem to take a restroom break without somebody wondering when I was coming back.
But one of the biggest red flags wasn’t even the workload.
It was the people.
Everyone who had been there seemed to speak the exact same language.
“This is the best company.”
“You can retire here.”
“We all love each other.”
“We’re family.”
“We’re here to help.”
Over and over.
The same language.
The same script.
And eventually I realized something:
I was going to have to learn their language if I wanted to survive there.
And I didn’t want to.
The thing I had spent so much time trying to get…
Wasn’t actually what I thought it was.
Eight months later, I was gone.
And that experience changed the way I look at life.
Because I had wanted that job so badly.
I had worked for it.
I had researched it.
I had waited for it.
I had been rejected and tried again.
I had prepared myself for it.
And when I finally got it, I thought the story was over.
I thought getting it meant I had won.
But getting what you want isn’t always confirmation that it’s good for you.
Sometimes you finally get the thing you’ve been praying for…
and realize:
“Oh. This isn’t for me.”
And that’s a hard realization.
Especially when you’ve invested so much into getting there.
Sometimes we become attached to the picture instead of the reality.
I think we do this in so many areas of life.
The job we desperately want.
The relationship we thought would last forever.
The house we thought would make us happy.
The friendship we thought would always be there.
The lifestyle we thought would finally make us feel fulfilled.
The opportunity we thought would change everything.
We build the picture in our minds.
And once we become attached to that picture, we can start overlooking the evidence in front of us.
We see what we hope something will be instead of what it actually is.
And sometimes we’re so determined to make something work because we wanted it so badly that we don’t recognize when it’s time to let it go.
But here’s the lesson I took from that experience.
The thing you want so badly isn’t necessarily the thing that’s best for you.
And that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pursue things.
Please don’t misunderstand me.
Research.
Prepare.
Apply.
Try again.
Work hard.
Go after what you want.
Absolutely.
But leave room for the possibility that what you’re pursuing may not turn out the way you imagined.
And if it doesn’t?
That isn’t necessarily failure.
Sometimes it’s information.
Sometimes the rejection is information.
Sometimes the closed door is information.
Sometimes getting the opportunity is information.
Sometimes spending eight months somewhere and realizing it’s not for you is information.
The experience taught me something I couldn’t have learned by simply imagining the job.
And maybe that’s why we shouldn’t be so afraid of being disappointed.
Because sometimes disappointment is protection.
Sometimes what didn’t work out was making room for something that fits you better.
Sometimes the relationship ending saves you years of trying to make something work.
Sometimes the job you didn’t get frees you to find one that actually fits your life.
Sometimes the house you didn’t buy keeps you from taking on something you weren’t ready for.
Sometimes the opportunity you thought you needed turns out to be the very thing that teaches you what you don’t want.
And sometimes…
the thing you wanted so badly was simply meant to teach you something.
It doesn’t have to stay forever to have been valuable.
I also learned not to confuse persistence with forcing.
Persistence is powerful.
But there is a difference between saying:
“I’m going to keep trying.”
and saying:
“I have decided this has to work because I’ve already invested so much.”
The second one can keep us stuck.
We start thinking about everything we’ve already put into something.
The time.
The money.
The energy.
The preparation.
The emotional investment.
And we think:
“I can’t walk away now.”
But sometimes walking away is exactly what you need to do.
Not because the effort was wasted.
Because the lesson has already been learned.
So now when I really want something…
I try to leave room for another possibility.
I can say:
“This is what I want.”
without insisting:
“This is what must happen.”
I can work toward something without making it my identity.
I can be excited about an opportunity without assuming it’s my forever opportunity.
And I can accept that sometimes life has a way of saying:
“You thought you wanted this. Let me show you why you don’t.”
That job taught me more than I expected.
It taught me to pay attention.
It taught me that research is important, but experience is different.
It taught me that sometimes the reality behind the advertisement is very different from the picture you created.
And most importantly…
It taught me that getting what you want isn’t always the same as getting what you need.
A Note for Today
Be careful about becoming so attached to what you want that you stop paying attention to what you’re actually experiencing.
Sometimes the thing you can taste, the thing you’ve been waiting for, the thing you’ve convinced yourself is perfect…
isn’t perfect for you at all.
And that’s okay.
You don’t have to regret wanting it.
You don’t have to regret trying.
You don’t have to call the experience a failure.
Take the lesson.
Take the wisdom.
Take the clarity.
And keep moving.
Because sometimes life doesn’t give you what you want…
it gives you the experience you needed to understand what you really want.
Until the next note,
Your Resident Overthinker