Note 033
So…my overthinking mind had another moment.
And yes, it happened while I was watching another one of my favorite people online.
At this point, I probably need to start carrying a notebook around while I watch YouTube because apparently I can’t just watch a video.
I have to stop it.
Write something down.
Think about it.
Pause it.
Think about it some more.
You get the point.
But this particular thought?
I had to write it down.
She said something that immediately made me stop:
“Maturity is seeing things as they are, not how you hope they are.”
Let that sink in for a minute.
Because…
Whew.
How many times have we done this?
How many times have we looked at a person, situation, relationship, career, friendship, business, dream or even ourselves and seen what we wanted to see instead of what was actually sitting right in front of us?
I think most of us have done it.
And I think sometimes we do it because seeing things as they really are requires something we don’t always want to give:
Action.
Because once you acknowledge reality, you may have to do something about it.
And doing something different can be uncomfortable.
It can be scary.
It can mean starting over.
It can mean admitting you were wrong.
It can mean disappointing someone.
It can mean walking away.
It can mean changing your plans.
And sometimes…
it can mean choosing yourself.
Let’s talk about careers.
Maybe you started a career years ago because it seemed like the right thing to do.
It paid well.
It was stable.
It made your family proud.
Maybe you thought you’d eventually grow to love it.
But years later, you’re still sitting there thinking:
“This isn’t what I want to do.”
Yet you stay.
Because starting over sounds exhausting.
You think:
“I’ve already put 10 years into this.”
“What would I do instead?”
“I’m too old to start over.”
“What will people think?”
And suddenly you’re not looking at your career as it is.
You’re looking at it based on what you hoped it would become.
That’s a big difference.
And it doesn’t mean you have to quit your job tomorrow.
It means you owe yourself the honesty of acknowledging:
“This isn’t working for me anymore.”
Once you can admit that, you can begin figuring out what comes next.
And relationships?
Oh, that’s a whole other note.
How many friendships and romantic relationships have we stayed in because of potential?
“They could be so good together.”
“They have so much potential.”
“I know they love me.”
“They’ll change.”
“We’ve been through so much.”
“Maybe if I communicate it differently…”
“Maybe if I give it more time…”
And sometimes we aren’t loving the relationship that actually exists.
We’re loving the relationship we hope it will become.
There’s a difference.
And that’s where this statement really hit me.
Seeing things as they are doesn’t mean you’re negative.
It means you’re honest.
You can acknowledge someone’s potential without pretending they’re currently living up to it.
You can love someone and recognize that the relationship isn’t healthy for you.
You can appreciate your job and realize you don’t want to spend another decade doing it.
You can love your home and realize it’s time for a change.
You can be grateful for where you are and still want something different.
Both things can be true.
And I think that’s part of maturity.
Not forcing yourself to call something beautiful when it isn’t.
Not convincing yourself something is working when it isn’t.
Not constantly explaining away behavior that continues to hurt you.
Not confusing potential with reality.
And definitely not staying somewhere simply because you’re afraid of what comes next.
One of my favorite television therapists has a phrase that immediately came to my mind:
“Let’s call a thing a thing.”
Sometimes we need to.
Call the friendship what it is.
Call the career what it is.
Call the relationship what it is.
Call the situation what it is.
Call the habit what it is.
Call the behavior what it is.
And maybe most importantly…
Call yourself what you are.
Capable.
Growing.
Learning.
Changing.
Still figuring it out.
Because seeing things as they are isn’t the end of the story.
It’s the beginning of an honest one.
Once you stop fighting reality, you can finally start making decisions based on the life you actually have instead of the life you keep hoping will appear.
And that can be incredibly freeing.
A Note for Today
See things as they are—not as you hoped they would be.
Because sometimes the truth isn’t what we wanted.
But the truth gives us something hope alone can’t:
A place to start.
Maybe you don’t need another sign.
Maybe you don’t need another year.
Maybe you don’t need to keep waiting for things to magically become what you hoped they’d be.
Maybe you just need to pause…
Take an honest look…
And say:
“Okay. This is what it is. Now what am I going to do with it?”
That’s where the next chapter can begin.
Until the next note,
Your Resident Overthinker