A Note From the Resident Overthinker
Note 030
I’ve been thinking about something lately.
Actually, let me correct that.
I’ve been overthinking something lately. 😂
And it came up because I’ve had three separate conversations with people close to me.
Three completely different people.
Three completely different ages.
Three completely different situations.
But when I sat back and thought about all three conversations, I realized they had the same underlying theme:
They weren’t fully trusting themselves.
And whew…
That’ll make an overthinker think.
The first person is a young woman in her 20s who is trying her absolute best to keep up with what she sees on social media.
What to wear.
Where to go.
What to buy.
How her house should look.
What her career should look like.
When she should be successful.
Where she should vacation.
What her life should look like at a certain age.
And when I challenged her about why she wanted to do certain things, she said something that stopped me:
“But that’s what the Housewives do.”
Baby.
The Housewives are on television.
That’s reality television.
And yes, I understand that social media and reality TV can blur together now because everybody’s life looks like a television show online.
But here’s the problem:
You’re comparing your real life to somebody else’s edited, produced, curated, sponsored or completely unrealistic version of life.
And then wondering why yours doesn’t look like theirs.
You don’t have to live like somebody else to have a good life.
You don’t have to buy what they’re buying.
Dress like they’re dressing.
Vacation where they’re vacationing.
Or reach their milestones on their timeline.
You have to figure out what YOU actually want.
And that brings me to person number two.
This person has been in their career for about 20 years.
They’re experienced.
They’re capable.
They’re knowledgeable.
And honestly?
They could probably be much further along than they are.
But fear has been sitting in the driver’s seat.
They admitted that part of it is wanting everyone to think they have everything together.
They don’t want to look like they don’t know something.
They don’t want to fail.
They don’t want to make the wrong move.
They don’t want people to see them struggle.
So they stay comfortable.
And when I heard that, I thought:
How many people are living below their potential because they’re afraid of what happens if they actually step into their power?
Because here’s the thing:
You can’t spend your entire life trying to convince everyone that you have it all together.
People can tell when something isn’t authentic.
And more importantly…
You can tell.
You know when you’re shrinking.
You know when you’re pretending.
You know when you’re saying yes because you’re afraid to say no.
You know when you’re staying somewhere because you’re afraid to find out what you’re capable of somewhere else.
And you know when you’re dimming your light so other people don’t feel uncomfortable.
Stop being afraid of what might happen if you actually become everything you’re capable of becoming.
And then there was person number three.
A teenager stepping into a tutoring and leadership role.
And this conversation was different because she’s young and just beginning to discover what it feels like to have influence.
And I had to remind her:
Don’t be afraid of the position you’re stepping into.
Some people may not immediately respond positively.
Some peers may not want to listen.
Some people may make you feel like you’re doing too much.
Do it anyway.
Because leadership isn’t about everyone liking you.
And helping someone doesn’t require you to make yourself smaller.
You have the ability to help somebody understand something they didn’t understand before.
You have knowledge somebody else needs.
You have an opportunity to help another person progress.
Don’t be afraid of that.
And that’s when I realized all three conversations were really about the same thing.
One person was afraid she wasn’t keeping up.
One person was afraid of what she could accomplish.
One person was afraid of how other people might respond to her stepping into leadership.
Different fears.
Same root.
Not fully trusting themselves.
And I want to pass this note along because I think so many of us do this.
We look outside ourselves for confirmation.
We ask:
“Am I doing this right?”
“Should I be further along?”
“What will people think?”
“Is this what successful people are doing?”
“Do I look like I have it together?”
“What if I fail?”
“What if they don’t like me?”
“What if I’m too much?”
And sometimes we’re so busy trying to make sure we’re doing life correctly that we forget to actually live our own life.
You don’t have to be an imposter in your own life.
You don’t have to pretend you’re someone you’re not.
You don’t have to perform success.
You don’t have to copy somebody else’s lifestyle.
You don’t have to make yourself smaller.
You don’t have to apologize for being capable.
You don’t have to wait until you’re 100% confident before you start.
And you certainly don’t need everybody’s approval before you trust yourself.
Confidence isn’t always walking into a room thinking:
“I’m the smartest person here.”
Sometimes confidence is:
“I don’t know everything, but I trust myself enough to figure it out.”
That’s a completely different kind of confidence.
And maybe that’s what we need more of.
Not louder people.
Not people pretending they have all the answers.
Not people copying somebody else’s life.
But people who are comfortable enough with themselves to say:
This is who I am.
This is what I want.
This is what I’m capable of.
And I’m willing to figure out the rest along the way.
A Note for Today
Stop being afraid of your own potential.
Don’t let social media tell you what your life should look like.
Don’t let fear convince you to stay comfortable.
Don’t let someone else’s opinion make you shrink.
And don’t become so focused on looking like you have it all together that you never give yourself permission to actually grow.
Trust yourself.
Believe in yourself.
Walk into the room.
Wear the outfit.
Apply for the position.
Start the business.
Take the class.
Change careers.
Lead.
Speak.
Create.
Try.
And if somebody doesn’t understand you?
That’s okay.
Your life isn’t supposed to make sense to everybody else.
It just needs to make sense to you.
And if you find yourself overthinking whether you’re capable…
Take a breath.
Look at everything you’ve already survived, learned, accomplished and figured out.
You have more in you than you think.
Now go find out what happens when you stop being afraid to use it.
Until the next note,
Your Resident Overthinker